dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
