Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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