Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
