I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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