Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
