Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
