So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
