Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
