I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
