you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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