I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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