I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize