It was confusing and full of hummus
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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