How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
