i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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