Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
