Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I could fuck to npr.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
