I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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