Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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