Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I supernannyed him into submission
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
