Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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