The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
