My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
