The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize