I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
