I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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