so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm like, not good at living.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
