o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
