I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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