My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
