drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
