taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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