Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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