i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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