there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
