Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
