Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
