I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
4 words: hood of his car
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
