five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
