Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
