BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
