i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
