I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
