My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
