you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
