She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
