i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
