Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I intend to get homeless drunk
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Randomize
