dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
