i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
