We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
