Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
