Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
did i just pee glitter
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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