Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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