Your face is a jimmy john
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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