The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
