I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
