The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
